i just know it's true

the darkness of the night has fallen upon the buildings outside. inside the artificial sun has just risen. it is artificial because it pulls no one toward it. no one except the moths, who choose to be fooled. no gravitational pull. no attraction. not like the real sun outside. on a sunny day, you feel yourself turn your head toward the sun. like the flowers, the plants, the cat lazing on his back in the midday sun, you raise you neck and close your eyes and turn your face to bask in its warm light. this doesnt happen with the artificial sun that keeps us up all the night. an artificial sun, so we may ignore the beauty of the moon. the mystery of the stars. and the noise. it seems that one forever must have some noise about oneself. as soon as the tv is off, the radio comes on. even your laptop makes sounds. the keys clicking, the motor whirring. and all around the muffled voices of your neighbours. people whose lives are playing out so close to your own. whose daily habits you learn to expect, without ever knowing their faces. you know how your neighbour screams at his wife, but you could have passed him in the parking lot, and his would have been just another one of the empty faces you choose not to see. choose to ignore. or perhaps choose is the wrong word. have no reason to notice. an old man swayed on the sidewalk the other day. whether he was drunk, or just so old that he couldn't walk straight, i don't know. the crowds pushed around him, anxious to cross the road. your first instinct was to shirk away from him. as if you might catch something off of his unwashed clothes, his matted hair. as i crossed the street, i stopped and turned. maybe a moment of humaness, if that's even a word. but no, i looked at him, i turned and i kept going. he was just another homeless man. he must be alright, must be just another homeless person. nothing on the television said that there was a homemore man who died of a heart attack on the side of the road while pedestrians walked around him. because nowadays we use the tv to tell us whats happening in the world we exist in. hurry home from our walk in the park, so we won't miss the programme about the leaves falling from the trees. things are only real if they're shown through a square. try it. try cupping your fist into a cylinder and looking at the world through it. for some reason, it feels more real. why? i don't know. i just know it's true.

a rant and a rave...

At the very high risk of sounding materialistic and vain, which I strive not to be, allow me to get these rants off my chest

I hate the fact that I can't get a manicure/pedicure here because I know from experience that if I do, I'm just going to be pissed off because the standards are so low, and frankly a monkey could do a better job.

I hate the fact that I can't get my hair done, because simply the hairdressers in Ireland are nothing but sorry excuses who get annoyed if you say you don't like what they've done. Sitting there with what resembles a birds nest on the top of your head, and if you dare to say anything other than "lovely" your life as you know it is as good as over. Why do you think I always come back looking like I've fought a war?

I hate the fact that the beauticians don't know how to wax properly. That they don't know the difference between waxing, and breaking the hair at the skin. That they wax where you DON'T have hair, which any sane person knows just encourages more hair to grow.

I hate the fact that the masseuse's massage you like you're going to break. That they don't understand the fundamental concept of massaging...that is, work out the knots. Instead, they simply give the mandatory little rub to all parts of your back, call it a massage and charge you 50 euro.

Finally, I hate the fact that as well as looking after a house, paying bills, buying food, cooking, cleaning, trying to study, bringing up a cat who spends the nights awake and currently eats about twice his weight in food a day, worrying about a sister who doesn't need me to worry but for whom I can do nothing else, and crashing my car, I have to be my own beautician, hairdresser and manicurist. Mostly, I hate the fact that most of the time, I feel like a complete and utter failure in all the above aspects of my life. I think I hate that most of all.

Letter To America From Iran

I'll tell you this much...but Mahmood Ahmadi-Najad is the only one who seems to be talking sense in this God Forsaken world of ours.

CLICK HERE TO READ THE LETTER FROM MAHMOOD AHMADI-NAJAD TO GEORGE W BUSH

Apparently, George W Bush has refused to even acknowledge this letter, let alone answer it. Why?
Because for once someone is standing up to America's policies?
Because for once someone is strong enough to stand up to America and say, even though you are powerful, even though you are rich, even though every other country is scared of you, WE are not scared of you. We will NOT tolerate the way you treat the rest of the world. We will NOT STAND for being subjected to DOUBLE STANDARDS. We will not stand by and watch you ruin the world for the sake of your greed.

Probably. You see, sometimes, if you ignore something...it might just go away.
Not this time Bush..I really really hope.
Read the letter. How can you make up your minds if you don't know what both sides have to say? Click on the link, and read it.

honey in the matrix

if taunted, the honeybee will strike. but what motivates this suicidal tendency? does he know that with this sting, his life will end? does he know? does he weigh up the options carefully before launching the attack? is it rage that propels him? is it fear? does the honeybee take a vow of allegiance to his hive...to protect the queen, to protect their stock? is his life only as important as the protection it affords his community? or do you think he knows nothing of the consequences of this act? they say ignorance is bliss..did nature bless this creature with the ignorance that allows him to deliver this deadly prick? was it a kind allowance on the part of mother nature, or her idea of a cruel joke?
i was in a car accident today. you know what they say about things going in slow motion? its true. and yet, its more of a slow motion in retrospect. they say love at first sight happens only in retrospect. well the shock of a car accident rears its head only in retrospect. its shocking. ive been in shock all day. i keep replaying it in my mind, and thinking...if only i had been a second earlier. or a second later. if only.. if only.
should've, would've, could've. i hate it when people use those words. i know someone who constantly uses those words. the people who wait for life to happen to them. who sit back in a comfortable chair, wait all day, and as the sun goes down, wonders that perhaps, they should've got up and done something, and if they would've done so, perhaps they could've achieved the one thing they wanted to happen. they could've lived. life doesnt come to you. its there. take it or leave it. what did he say in teh matrix again? "how can you have time, if you don't take time?" and how true that is.